Can you believe it has been 1 year since I meet our precious Selam on a trip to Ethiopia. Many would think our adoption story started in Ethiopia, that maybe my heart was so full the moment I meet our sweet girl that I just couldn't help myself. Now, that is all true but it started so much earlier than that. You see I have always longed to have a large family. I even knew I would adopt one day. My oldest sibling was adopted at birth and he is so very dear to me. I have always loved the fact that God chose him to be my brother just like He chose for my blood brother to be mine. I love that God may have used another mama to create my adopted brother but He handpicked him for my mama to raise as her own. I feel I understood being adopted as God's child so much better than others because I knew that my brother was not my own by blood but he was my brother in every since of the word. Nothing would ever change that just like nothing would every change the fact that I was a child of God, adopted into the family by the blood of my Savior.
So, fast forward a few years and I meet my sweet hubby the first day of classes at Auburn University. We fall in love and get married the summer between our junior and senior years. We wanted a large family our number was 6. ;)
Upon graduation Ben was to be commissioned into the USAF. We even called the Tricare office to see if I became pregnant before his commissioning would our pregnancy still be covered. Now keep in mind we were starving college students but we were desperate to start our family. We calculated that we would be safe to get pregnant July of 1998. Of course we thought it would magically happen but God had other plans. It took us longer than we expected and then we had two miscarriages. One was after 12 weeks and this was very hard. But, as with everything, God made Himself so real to me during that time and I would not trade that for anything. It seemed, at the time, to take forever but finally in November of 2000 God blessed us with our sweet Maggie. Only 14 months later we had Joseph and 20 months later we had our sweet Daniel. The night before our scheduled c-section i went to bed excited for what the day would bring. But, the morning I woke up God laid on my heart that this would be my last child by birth. I thought this was so odd but so real. I mentioned the feeling to Ben and he confessed God had told him the same. We had no reason to feel this way. Our pregnancy had gone well, fluid was a little low but nothing was alarming. How odd that God had pricked our hearts in this way but we prayed that morning for wisdom and God's hand to guide us in every way.
As He had warned us we were told by the doctor's, for me, carrying another child would be extremely dangerous. What a sweet kiss from God. He chose to warn me in the quite of the morning before the crazy of the day so that when a doctor delivered the news it did not steal the joy from the miracle we had in Daniel. My heart was prepared and I knew God was in control. He had not removed the heart's desire I had for a large family so I knew He still had plans for us. Ben and I were busy loving our 3 under 3 and trusting God to show us His plan.
As the Military would have it we moved three times during all of this from North Dakota, Texas and then to Colorado. In Colorado we felt the time was right to start the adoption process through the foster care system. We began the process but just short of the Homestudy we were interrupted by Ben's deployments to the Middle East. This was hard for me at this time. I was angry with God that our family expansion plan was not going as I had planned. I pridefully admitted that I had trusted Him during our miscarriages and having to have a hysterectomy before I was 29 and now I was angry that He was not giving me this adoption and my husband was being deployed. I became more angry and depressed. As time went on I finally begged God to take away my desire for more children. I loved my kiddos and wanted to enjoy them without the feeling that something was missing or that we were not complete. He did not take away my desire but He gave me peace.
Ben separated from the USAF after 9 years and three deployments. We moved to his hometown in Tennessee and began to put down roots. Within 3 months we had a severe car crash that left me unable to walk for 5 months. I mention all of this to you to let you know my mental state. With every event i would say, "God I guess this is why you are delaying my adoption plans". It never left my mind. I only talked to Ben about it and God at night as I cried out to Him.
Finally, God broke me. There were several other things in my life that were well beyond my control and God had taught me I had to let them go and trust them to Him. He finally got me to see that my adoption was the same way. I got on my knees and trusted God for whatever my future held - adoption or not. This was around July of 2008. I still didn't feel that God took away my desires to adopt so in order to be obedient I just began to pray for my children i held and the one or ones that would one day come into my family. God began to show me that His plans were greater that I could ever imagine and He would bless me abundantly more than I could ever imagine.